Monday, December 28, 2009


Q: What do you get when you cross Bambi with a ghost?
A: Bamboo.


Q: How do you get a French waiter's attention?
A: Start ordering in German.


Why have some cities outlawed lawyers from going to the beach?

Because the cats keep trying to bury them in the sand.

Thursday, December 24, 2009


I am back from Ohio, home to a lot of houses and farms and trees!

I also decree that their state quarter is: too complicated.

Thursday, December 10, 2009


FREE Hornet's Nest
Date: 2009-07-15, 9:02PM EDT

I have a hornet's nest free for the taking! Hornets included. You must remove. Will need a ladder, it's under a 2nd floor eave. I just noticed it today. It's almost the size of a volleyball.

* Location: Knoxville:West Knox Cty
* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests


Lone Wanderer seeks her Charon - w4m
Date: 2009-07-22, 1:49PM EDT

I know this is strange but the heart continues to want what it wants.

In short, I'm a 25 year old female who's sustained some pretty harsh injuries and I'm going stir crazy.
I've traveled the world as a drifter/hitchhiker, I'm currently a working musician, writer and dog trainer.
I also have a degree in veterinary technology.
I'm slightly insane but perhaps in a good way.
Um...chaotic neutral, eager to please and have had a ridiculously eventful life.
This down time is hard for me.
Someone recently likened me to Harold and Maude all in one package
and I that sounds about right.
I look a little like a Raider I suppose.

You: Charon from Fallout 3. Yes, you read that right.
You are a gigantic, deceptively stoic ghoul bodyguard.
Someone who can stay in character well and satisfy the strange compulsion/crush I continue to have have on that damned ghoul.
Someone who is creative enough to characterize him and suspend my disbelief again.
I find myself only able to speak to someone who's fronting as this character. I don't open up easily and I just...don't get it either.
If you are suffering from boredom and can roleplay this character well, there is a good chance I can help you with that boredom.
I don't seem to get tired of this.

So. I have your contract and our time in the Wastes was short.
You're still in DC and I, your "employer" am here only accessible via remote terminal.
The employer/Charon relationship would be strictly instant messenger/email and possibly phone but only if you can do the voice really well.
Maybe it will remain civil and friendly, maybe it will turn into something a little more adult. It usually does.
I'd prefer something frequent and long term if possible, with room for progression into something different maybe.

Before receiving a batch of pointless, off topic emails, I feel I have to add this:
All messages that clearly don't get what I'm asking for here will simply be ignored and deleted.
Do not send me your photo or your stats!
Your height, weight, race, etc are irrelevant because you are actually a cranky, sexually repressed, 6'8 irradiated manservant from the Underworld.
Someone over 25+ would be preferable. That is my only stipulation but it is not a hard limit.
It seems that spelling and grammar improve with age is all.
Good spelling and grammar are an absolute must!

I had an excellent Charon before but he...vanished and I find myself sadly looking for a replacement.
I need a rebound Charon in case he doesn't come back...although I am still hoping he does.
Getting my heart broken by an NPC is something I'll add to the vast list of things I've experienced
that make me keep writing music.

Here's hoping you're out there.
Please message me in character. This is important.

I will make it worth your while!

* Location: The Nothern Wastes
* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests


that Billy Collins wrote the following poem:


Smokey the Bear heads
into the autumn woods
with a red can of gasoline
and a box of wooden matches.

His ranger's hat
is cocked
at a disturbing angle.

His brown fur gleams
under the high sun
as his paws, the size
of catcher's mitts,
crackle into the distance.

He is sick of dispensing
warnings to the careless,
the half-wit camper,
the dumbbell hiker.

He is going to show them
how a professional does it.


Jorie Graham

Sunday, December 6, 2009

For Nicolas Sumida.

Who is a very fine painter of the wind.


With commentary.


Director's Cut: GEMINI

Shouldn't this be on the Scalar Kitchen?


This is not really awesome.

"The Meryl Streep"


Actually, this is the Meryl Streep of Cats.

Turning into chocolate

starring Meryl Streep as
"The Meryl Streep."

I'm just saying.

Do you see what I mean?

Hulk Hogan is definitely M-to-M.

M & Ms are definitely M-to-M.