Monica will be talking to the other cougars. Phone-cougar will be sad that she doesn't understand her husband's new favorite food. Slutty-young-cougar will eat chocolate. Monica will be caught by her son masturbating in the car.
My predictions for when the show returns: Monica and her lover will be on their backs in bed, breathing heavily, and her son will see Monica's waxing strips.
Monica can't have a platonic relationship with another man unless he's bald or her son. Conversations with every other guy is always like "remember when we used to do it?" or "Back when we were married, meow meow meow".
Barb makes out with Monica in order to pick up some guys at a middle school dance and they both get arrested for statutory after her son watches them and then feels embarrassed.
It's official.
ReplyDeleteit's official.
ReplyDeleteshe's wearing a blue dress. CHOCOLATE!!!!
ReplyDeleteguys buying each other beer. "i don't think that's true for anyone."
ReplyDeleteI think he was holding a blender.
ReplyDeleteJessica is coughing.
ReplyDelete"shhhh. barb's talking."
ReplyDeleteCHOCOLATE NUMBER TWO
it's official.
ReplyDeletethere isn't a woman in the world who can resist the scent of wounded boy.
ReplyDeleteIt's weird how Monica's house has a foggy glass door that you'd see in a public restroom for her front door. Cougars!
ReplyDeleteCOMMERCIAL BREAK: she totally just tested her deodorant on that bellboy's stomach.
ReplyDeletecomments are forever.
ReplyDelete"One night very soon you'll be sitting in your bedroom, enjoying a glass of wine, and you'll hear the click, click of little stones at your window.
ReplyDeleteYou'll go look, and there, standing on your lawn, you'll see it, a desperate broken boy crying in the rain for your love.
Oh, there isn't a woman in the world who can resist the sound of crying boy."
(*music* "You Have Stolen My Heart" by Muse)
YOU ARE NOT OPERATING ON AN INOPERABLE TUMOR.
ReplyDeleteprediction for the return: best friends are catty as monica checks her son's testicles for growths.
ReplyDeleteMy predictions for when they return:
ReplyDeleteMonica will be talking to the other cougars. Phone-cougar will be sad that she doesn't understand her husband's new favorite food. Slutty-young-cougar will eat chocolate. Monica will be caught by her son masturbating in the car.
How did she get in there?!
ReplyDeleteMy predictions for when the show returns: Monica and her lover will be on their backs in bed, breathing heavily, and her son will see Monica's waxing strips.
ReplyDeleteWhoa...this is very homoerotic. I think Monica's boyfriend might be sexually interested in her son.
ReplyDeleteeveryone is drinking coffee, but their mugs are actually empty
ReplyDeletego home, husband.
ReplyDeleteEveryone is always in the same place at the same time.
ReplyDeletei'm glad you got stuck in the kitty-klub too, neighbor.
ReplyDeleteMonica is dating someone 60 years younger than her.
ReplyDeletecougars are now 70 year old women that date 10 year old boys.
ReplyDeletehusband, get off that boat!
ReplyDeleteCougartown has only one restaurant. It's called "Freddie's Place", and it sucks.
ReplyDeleteBusinessBusiness thinks that Nick is probably a robot.
ReplyDeleteCougar Island.
ReplyDeleteThe meaningful speech part of the show.
ReplyDeleteMonica is smart, tough, and Bobby, you're going to be fine.
ReplyDeletewooooooooooooooooo
ReplyDeleteoooooooh. She just kissed her ex-husband.
ReplyDeleteMonica can't have a platonic relationship with another man unless he's bald or her son. Conversations with every other guy is always like "remember when we used to do it?" or "Back when we were married, meow meow meow".
ReplyDeleteWHEN DID YOU GET HERE.
ReplyDeleteWhen did phone-lady get there???
ReplyDeleteThe last thing you want to do is keep that door open.
ReplyDeleteIn Cougartown, instead of red wine, they drink virgin blood to stay young.
ReplyDeleteLatisse.
ReplyDeletefor inadequate or not enough lashes
ReplyDeletei'm using Latisse.
ReplyDeleteDo you have inadequatoe or not-enough lashes?
ReplyDeleteI'm blind, can you tell me how wonderful my lashes look?
ReplyDeletebleeding retina, eye spots, permanent iris pigmentation, horrible blindness, BEAUTIFUL LASHES.
ReplyDeletebing just raped a dead man.
ReplyDelete(Kubrick)
ReplyDeleteSide effects include: anal bleeding, tooth loss, spontaneous combustion and pruny-penis growing under your arms that you can't remove.
ReplyDeleteNick apparently doesn't like Kubrick.
ReplyDeleteyoung people kissing. BLACKBERRY.
ReplyDelete53!
ReplyDeleteever since you moved to cougartown, you've been disgusting and hot.
ReplyDeletenext week's prediction: BARB'S GONNA TAKE GOOD CARE OF YOU
ReplyDeleteOld lady cougartown is massaging a young man at the same bar where everybody is always in the same place at the same time.
ReplyDeletenext week's predictions:
ReplyDeleteBald husband of phone lady will leave a sexually ambiguous wall post on pro-golfer's facebook, and things will get all weird.
also- metaphorical demons, more virgin blood, Barb's inadequate eye-lashes.
Next week's predictions:
ReplyDeleteBarb makes out with Monica in order to pick up some guys at a middle school dance and they both get arrested for statutory after her son watches them and then feels embarrassed.
Skeet Ulrich.
ReplyDeleteI am so mad I went to class.
ReplyDelete